Wow. And I thought his lack of empathy for me was horrible. Nothing makes my blood boil more than when he fails to show any empathy toward my children! The kids are old enough now to more clearly and verbally express their exasperation and frustration. They can feel very, very, emotionally hurt by his seeming callousness.
The children should be told that he has Asperger's. But, how? He is certainly not going to tell them. He won't tell anyone. How should I go about explaining this to them? Do I share how nearly all of our marital strife is rooted in the NT/AS marriage dynamic? "Marriage doesn't have to look like this, kids." I don't want their future marriages to be like ours!
Sometimes I am encouraged at the thought of our marriage becoming peaceful, and maybe even fun, once we are empty nesters. But, then I realize there will be grandchildren one day. And the issues that upset me so much now, will return when he is with the grandchildren. And if our adult children have problems and need emotional support and empathy from him? He has the power to (albeit unwittingly) destroy them.
Which destroys me.
Yes, I know. It is time to go back to counseling. Way, way past time.
God, help us all.