Friday, November 26, 2010

It's the Most Tumultuous Time of the Year

Tumultuous:  highly agitated, as the mind or emotions; distraught; turbulent.

It's the holiday season, and for many wives of aspies, the "whoop-de-do" isn't always all that wonderful.  There could be turbulence with the in-laws about where to celebrate and when to get together.  The NT wife may already be agonizing over gifts.  "I have to tell him once again exactly what to get me for a gift because he doesn't have a clue what I like (or even what size I wear-sheesh!)."

When getting ready to spend the holidays with the aspies in the family, prepare more than a clean house, lovely gifts, and scrumptious food.  Prepare your heart.  Get ready to forgive, forbear, and love.  Pray (maybe even fast and pray!), and change your mindset.

Don't think about how difficult it is to connect with them.  Don't dread the time you will spend with them.  Don't pity yourself for how unappreciated, unnoticed, and unloved you feel. 

Instead, focus on loving them.  And the kind of love they desire is probably pretty simple.  You don't have to ask probing questions or go out of your way to do much of anything, really.  They may just like to be together, even if that means sitting in front of the television all day.  Stop stressing over feeling you have to carry all the conversations and try to enjoy the quiet.  Read a magazine, play with the dog, or give the children your undivided attention (children are sponges for attention!).  Help prepare, serve, or clean up the food, but don't wear yourself out doing it (because they won't notice and don't care about that anyway). 

If you are the hostess, keep it simple.  But most importantly, keep a cheerful spirit.  They may not notice the spotless floors or triple layer cheesecake you spent many hours on, but they will notice a bad attitude and unloving disposition.  They won't understand that your sour attitude could have anything whatsoever to do with them, so nothing productive can come of it anyway.  :)

It's the holiday season.  Love your neighbor.  Love your enemies.  Love your aspies! 

And now these three remain:  faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.   1 Corinthians 13:13  

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Blog is Now a Book! can turn any Blogger blog into a book within minutes.  You can choose your cover, which posts to include, comments or not, etc.  Includes a table of contents with post titles and page numbers for easy reference.  Prices start around $10 and it arrives in about a week.  Now how cool is that?  If interested in printing this blog, you have my full permission.  I blog with the hopes of encouraging others, and I have no copyright.

Thank you for reading and for posting all of your encouraging comments!


Monday, November 8, 2010

Forbearing with An Aspie

Studying and practicing forgiveness is vitally important, but forbearing with an aspie spouse may be just as vital to practice and contemplate.  I am currently wading through another commentary-like reference book by the biblical counselor Martha Peace, called Attitudes of a Transformed Heart.  

The dictionary says forbearance is "patient endurance."  Mrs. Peace says "A person who is forbearing puts up with the differences as well as mistakes of others and they biblically bear with the sins of others.  One should think:

1.  How can I help them?
2.  I would do this quicker but I can forbear with their slowness and wait.
3.  It's their choice to do something that way and it's okay if they do it that way.

She goes on to say that Jesus had to put up with more than we can ever imagine.  We should work hard at having unity in our home.  We should bear with one another and forgive.  Do not judge motives.  Be accepting of (non-sinful) differences.

Forbearance also means showing tolerance"I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."  Colossians 3: 12-13

This is a daily struggle and so very difficult.  God, help us.

Friday, November 5, 2010

My Wonderful, Loving Husband

My husband still does not believe he has Asperger's Syndrome.  But when I shared my newfound knowledge of autism's often comorbid condition, CAPD (an auditory processing disorder which can only be diagnosed by an audiologist), he listened.  And even though he did not seem to believe he had any hint of CAPD, and even though he thought it a waste of time and money, because he loves me and knew it was important to me, he agreed to go for testing.

And yes, the test results indicate that he has an auditory processing disorder.  I'm not at all surprised.  I think he is actually quite shocked.  It may take a while to sink in, so I'd better lay low for a while and let him process.

And I gotta say that I love, love, love that he was willing to be tested for me.  It means the world to me that he would do that for me.  This is another strong proof that he does all that is in his power (when it comes to mind) to show that he loves me. 

It has often seemed that he works harder than most people I know, in many areas.   The auditory processing test results make me believe this about him at a deeper, stronger level.  I think I can be more patient, more compassionate, more kind, and less critical than I have been with his slow processing and communication problems.  I hope so, anyway.  We shall see.