Sunday, November 6, 2011

Getting What You Deserve

You'd probably start throwing rotten fruit if someone told you that in marriage you get what you deserve.  But I think it's worth considering.

You were attracted for a reason.  You connected for a reason.  The person was attracted to you for a reason.  You, at one time, believed you had found your equal, the perfect partner for life. 

Now that is a lot to consider. 

If you really look back at your family of origin and extended family, or maybe even to marriages or people who had a powerful influence on you . . . I bet you'll see some autistic traits in those folks.  It's probable that autism (even though undiagnosed) was a shaping factor in your development.  You are drawn to what is familiar to you.  Look hard.  I bet you find something you weren't expecting.

Not only are you drawn to what is familiar to you, but you might even have some (however mild) aspergerish traits yourself.  Think hard.

While dating, NTs of the opposite sex may have seemed too emotional, weak, changeable, or may not have seemed quite smart enough to you.  Think about it.  Were you either not attracted or even a little bit frightened by the devotion/attention NTs may have shown you prior to meeting your aspie spouse?

And then you met him and everything clicked.  He fit the checklist.  He didn't scare you away.  Hmmmmm.......?

Now.  You're married.  For a reason.  You fit with this particular guy.  You fit with this particular, peculiar asperger guy.  Okay? 

Am I saying you got what you deserve?  Well, I'm saying you got what you wanted from the first. 

And you got what God  designed especially for you, as part of His perfect plan, which includes how you were created yourself (both by nature and nurture in your growing up years).  And as far as shaping those character issues in yourself that need the most work . . . are you seeing some stuff you didn't realize was there thanks to that aspie guy you married?  Eh?  So in God's plan, you got what you needed

Deep breath.  So much growth and positive steps can happen once all of this is contemplated and embraced.