Friday, April 1, 2011

How to Relate to Women with Aspergers

There are several women with strong autistic traits in the extended family and I am often completely puzzled when I try to understand and communicate with them.  Overall I am finding it very difficult to find information on how to relate to women with asperger's syndrome.  Any links or advice you can share in the comments are most welcome.

What do females with aspergers want from their female friends and relatives?  What is the best way to communicate with women on the autism spectrum? 

I don't sense that they desire to connect emotionally.  I don't sense they have interest in understanding the hearts or minds of NTs.  Generally I sense little interest in improving their own communication skills (because they don't see why that is important or what difference it will make, maybe?).

My best guess is that women on the spectrum simply want to be accepted for who they are.  They want to be unconditionally loved.  They want you to overlook their foibles, understand that they care about you (even though they don't communicate it well), and want you to not take offense (because none was meant).  They want you to smile and seem cheerful and pleased with them.  Don't cry or get too emotional because that is very uncomfortable for them.  If they like you, they want you to spend time with them by doing activities together (and not necessarily talking much).  And that's about it, right?  Nothing more is expected or required . . . ?

To the female aspies reading this . . . know that there are many of us who are trying to maintain good relationships with women on the spectrum.  Please realize we want to understand you and we are working very hard to be "close" to you.  We honestly just don't know how.

"Connecting With Your Aspergers Partner"

Anyone read this book?  It sounds very promising!

Connecting with Your Asperger Partner
by Louise Weston
Foreword by Tony Attwood
September 2010
208pp ISBN: 978-1-84905-130-9
pb £12.99 US$18.95 AU$29.95