When Your Aspie is Also a Fool

These years of blogging through my Asperger's Journey have been very, very helpful for me.  I understand some of my children, my spouse, and some other family members so much better now.  And I am so thankful to God for giving wisdom.  And thankful for all of you who commented and shared your insights and encouragement!

I do believe you can have a relationship with an aspie.  I do believe you can learn good ways to communicate with an aspie.  I do know it is very hard work.  I also know it can be extremely rewarding.

The Jan Silvious "Foolproofing Your Life" book really threw a wrench in things for me.  Because while I believe one can successfully communicate with an aspie, I do not believe one can communicate well with a fool.   And I believe I am dealing with an aspie . . . who is also a fool.

One who is consistently acting foolishly, at least.  And I believe God can change him.  And as far as the marriage goes, I'm not going anywhere . . . not physically anyway.  But my expectations for "Good Aspergers Relationship" are now erased and replaced with "Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs rather than a fool in his folly."  You see, I've been foolish myself for too long.  But I am emotionally distanced now.  I've moved from trying to hiding.  Communicating with the polite kindness one would show to a stranger.

And the crazy thing is . . . I am so much more content.  Peaceful.  More rested. 

I think my blog is now complete.  (Blog2Print dot com has a 15% off sale code simplysave15 and I plan to print a copy keepsake blog book and cease posting here.  Anyone is welcome to print any parts of this blog.  I have no copyright.)

I encourage you to keep learning about Asperger's Syndrome, and to keep loving your aspies.  They are not all fools.  (And God can make the foolish wise!)  I will always keep praying.


aspmom

"They Have Such a Great Marriage!"

"A Great Marriage"

Yep, I said those very words about an NT/AS couple I know.  Years ago, I said that my goal in life was to have a marriage JUST LIKE that couple.

I've heard others use those words about an AS/AS couple I know.  I've heard others talk about my own (NT/AS) marriage the same way as well.  We have SUCH a "great" marriage.  That's how it looks from the outside.  That's what (almost) everyone who knows us thinks.

And it does look good.  And in a literal, practical, almost sterile way . . . it is good.  The perfect team.  Co-workers for a common goal.  Such a hardworking, like-minded, pleasant, and kind couple.  Beautiful kids.  Nice house.  Hospitable family.  Ideal life.  I'm realizing there are LOTS of families that look like ours.  Functioning smoothly and pleasantly.

But with some serious and intense scrutiny you may find that one of the couple is an NT and the other is an aspie.  And though their life is "beautiful" . . . the NT has a deep sadness and lacks emotional connection in their marriage.

Now here's the deal.  There is a lot of good.  Try not to forget the good.  Make a list of things you can be thankful for and reflect on that list periodically.  There IS some good in your life!

This blog is about one Christian woman's personal struggle as an NT who is married to a man with aspergers.  It delves deep into that struggle.  And it shares what makes things better and easier for this one woman.  It is shared with the hope of letting others know they are not alone on the journey. 

Most NT spouses of aspies bash, berate, and tell others to leave.  But my goal is to stay.  I try hard not to "bash" but I do share my pain.  It is difficult to love difficult people.  I don't pretend that it is easy to love aspies.  But I am trying to love them as best I can.  Because I believe difficult people should also be loved.

If this blog gives anyone even a tiny bit of help and hope, then the time and effort has not been wasted.  Occasionally I sign in, often after a long absence, seriously planning to hit the "Delete This Blog" button, but I see that a comment has just been posted saying how encouraged someone is to keep working and keep loving their aspie partner.  Sometimes it has served as the little boost an NT needed to not give up, and to not feel so alone.

So I'm still here.  And I hope you are encouraged.

You are most definitely NOT alone.