So a bit of clarification on "not giving a damn."
It's not okay to not give a damn about another human being as a human being. It's not okay to wish he would go skydiving without a parachute. That's not okay. Jesus says hate is the same as murder and murderers will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Hate is not consistent with Christianity and one who hates is deserving of hell. When you have hateful thoughts, quickly grab them, throw them to the ground, kill them, confess to God and thank God that through the blood of Christ you have forgiveness and can enter heaven, even though you are a wretched sinner and daily prove that to be the case.
I'll stop the sermonette now. :)
But it is okay and in fact, probably necessary for an aspie's spouse to not give a damn what her aspie spouse thinks of her. Because if she is needing his appreciation, admiration, adoration, consideration, she ain't gonna get it.
She must learn to absolutely totally not care at all what he is thinking, or as is more often the case, what he is NOT thinking, about her.
Love God, and live for His glory. Seek His pleasure and work unto His glory and honor. Your aspie spouse will benefit from your living for God. And so will you.
Need people less, love people more. Fight against the "fear of man." Stop "people-pleasing." Stop thinking or caring what anyone (even your spouse) is thinking or not thinking about you. Just stop.
When you are tempted to dwell on others' good opinion or thoughts of you, say to yourself "I just don't give a damn."
And then look upward in serving and loving God. And look outward so that you can see the needs around you and strive to love others more.
Those are the only things in life Christians should really give a damn about anyway.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Aspie Caregiver and Chronic Illness
I keep reading comments on blogs and forums posted by aspie spouses who suffer from chronic illnesses. If there are studies that have researched this I'd like to know more.
Caregivers who don't take care of themselves can suffer physically as well as mentally and emotionally. Not resting enough, not eating well enough, not exercising...all these play a part in deterioration of health.
And then there is the lack of empathy issue when one is suffering.
"I'm tired." I say. Aspie spouse responds "But you just got up." I'm tired mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually! Just because I am standing and walking around and YOU CANNOT PHYSICALLY SEE MY TIREDNESS doesn't mean I am not tired!
My child says "my head and throat hurt so bad!" Aspie father says "I think you're fine." Just because he is walking around and not vomiting doesn't mean he is not sick!
And so we learn, sad as this is, pathetic as this is, we learn that in order for him to recognize that we are not well enough to do work around the house/go to school/whatever he is requiring of us, we must not get out of bed. We must be sure to LOOK physically sick or else we "most certainly are not sick."
And so we learn to stay in bed, exaggerating the look of our illness in order to get the most miniscule hint of understanding that we are not feeling well. We do this so too much won't be demanded of our weakened systems. And then we aren't getting the exercise we need and we are not eating well enough and are not taking care of ourselves in any other way. It's self-preservation that barely preserves.
And chronic illness may be common for those who live with aspies.
You don't say.
Caregivers who don't take care of themselves can suffer physically as well as mentally and emotionally. Not resting enough, not eating well enough, not exercising...all these play a part in deterioration of health.
And then there is the lack of empathy issue when one is suffering.
"I'm tired." I say. Aspie spouse responds "But you just got up." I'm tired mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually! Just because I am standing and walking around and YOU CANNOT PHYSICALLY SEE MY TIREDNESS doesn't mean I am not tired!
My child says "my head and throat hurt so bad!" Aspie father says "I think you're fine." Just because he is walking around and not vomiting doesn't mean he is not sick!
And so we learn, sad as this is, pathetic as this is, we learn that in order for him to recognize that we are not well enough to do work around the house/go to school/whatever he is requiring of us, we must not get out of bed. We must be sure to LOOK physically sick or else we "most certainly are not sick."
And so we learn to stay in bed, exaggerating the look of our illness in order to get the most miniscule hint of understanding that we are not feeling well. We do this so too much won't be demanded of our weakened systems. And then we aren't getting the exercise we need and we are not eating well enough and are not taking care of ourselves in any other way. It's self-preservation that barely preserves.
And chronic illness may be common for those who live with aspies.
You don't say.
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