Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sticky Note Reminders for the Christian NT Wife

When the hard times hit, and the INSANITY you feel in your NT/AS marriage begins to take over . . .

It helps to hear over and over, again and again, the little reminders that bring back some semblance of sane.

1.  This is neurological wiring of the brain.

2.  You must drop your "NT" expectations! The surest way to avoid disappointment is not to expect anything from others.

3.   This is a very difficult trial to live with.

4.  This lonely trial can and should draw you closer to Christ, depending on Him as your very closest friend.

5.  This fiery trial is ordained by God for your good, to sanctify you (which is just a theological word for make you more like Christ).

And most importantly, remember to "above all, fervently love one another."  1 Peter 1:22

NT/AS Christian Counseling

Members of the leadership of our church recently attempted an intial (and brief) counseling session with my husband and me.  As he does not acknowledge that he may have Asperger's Syndrome, I did not mention it during that meeting.  Autism or any reference to "autistic traits" did not enter the conversation.

And it seemed very unfair to me.  For his sake!

He was gently censured and told that it is his responsibility to emotionally connect with his wife.  As much as the angry, bitter part of me wanted to stick out my tongue and say "NahNahIToldYouSo!"  I didn't do that.  :)  I felt sorry for him.  But what's a gal to do, huh?  He gets angry if the "A" word is used at all in reference to himself.  He would be livid if I "accused" him of being autistic in front of anyone else.

Aspies, please don't take this harshly, I'm fighting for him on this one . . . but those counselors may as well have told a blind man to parallel park between two brick walls without getting a single scratch on the car!  They are demanding something of him he is not capable of doing, aren't they?!  They are making him feel like a failure, and feel guilty for something he cannot help, right?

Obviously,  I can see he's bringing this on himself by his total denial of Asperger's.  That part is his fault and I am at a loss as to how to help him.  Many folks talk about the failure of counseling NT/AS couples when autism  is not brought into the equation.  Now I can see for myself that it truly doesn't work.

It may even make things worse.