Ok. So I've accepted how things really are. I have a new understanding and a realization that there is much more to learn. At this point all the growth, effort, and responsibility is completely on me as he is not yet ready to acknowledge anything.
I've read how important it is to "plant seeds" for an aspie when it comes to major issues that you want to discuss. This means that you make a brief comment about the issue, so he will have time to let it take root for a while. Then you can come back and water it a little at a time--sometimes over the course of a very long time. And this requires much patience.
So I've told my spouse that we need to make a time to discuss the communication patterns in our relationship. When he's had time to digest that bit of information, we will actually get together and talk about it.
One step at a time. This can't be a huge, long, detailed monologue about my emotions and unmet needs. I need to be concise about a single issue at a time.
More details will follow in a future post. I intend to discuss these "nuts and bolts" of navigating the communication battles under the category Specific Scenarios. I glean the most help from the practical applications and shared experiences I learn about from others. They make all the diagnostic criteria come alive and make me truly understand how Aspergers affects me. I hope these posts can help someone else out there. Know that you are not alone!