Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Fresh Start in an NT/AS Relationship

Ok.  So I've accepted how things really are.  I have a new understanding and a realization that there is much more to learn.  At this point all the growth, effort, and responsibility is completely on me as he is not yet ready to acknowledge anything.

I've read how important it is to "plant seeds" for an aspie when it comes to major issues that you want to discuss.  This means that you make a brief comment about the issue, so he will have time to let it take root for a while.  Then you can come back and water it a little at a time--sometimes over the course of a very long time.  And this requires much patience.

So I've told my spouse that we need to make a time to discuss the communication patterns in our relationship.  When he's had time to digest that bit of information, we will actually get together and talk about it.

One step at a time.  This can't be a huge, long, detailed monologue about my emotions and unmet needs.  I need to be concise about a single issue at a time. 
More details will follow in a future post.  I intend to discuss these "nuts and bolts" of navigating the communication battles under the category Specific Scenarios.  I glean the most help from the practical applications and shared experiences I learn about from others.  They make all the diagnostic criteria come alive and make me truly understand how Aspergers affects me.  I hope these posts can help someone else out there.  Know that you are not alone!

1 comment:

  1. Hi! I found your blog this afternoon after a long search for what is happening in my relationship with my wonderful, difficult, frustrating and emotionally draining husband. I think (as my therapist has hinted some time ago) that he has Aspergers. For the last 7 years I have wondered how a person who I know desires to serve God and love me as he should can seem so selfish, hurtful and careless so much of the time. He seems to be without the capacity to exhibit any emotion other than anger and irritation. He admits that he has extreme difficulty empathizing with others. I feel like my spirit has withered and when I tell him about it, I receive silence or defensiveness and anger. I've been praying for God to show me what I can do to communicate with him because I know the way I have been talking to him is destroying our communion. I was at an utter loss. I love this man. I know he is a good man and I would, as you say, marry him a thousand times over. But it has been a hard road. It is all starting to make sense now. Your blog is so encouraging. Thank you for all of the practical hints and hope that you give. I have been so blessed by your insights. - Lauren