Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Still Here

Thanks for the comments I have been so remiss in posting!  I'm still here.  Physical ailments have hit hard lately.  It's been helpful to see my physical weakness right now as equal to my aspie's neurological weakness.  I simply cannot physically do much of the work I had been doing.  And he simply CANNOT be an emotional/spiritual support to me.  We each have serious limitations!  Recognizing that and accepting it and dropping those darned expectations for him to do and be otherwise is So Very Important.

Neither is better or worse than the other.  Each are flawed and weak in some way.  Each has a job to do and these roles can be a complement to each other.  And when these two weak and flawed humans work hard in their areas of respective strengths, they can make for one very productive team.

Doesn't mean it's easy or fun, but it's funny how being totally weak can help us see such strength in others.


  1. How do I keep going day after day? We've been married
    15 year and I am so tired emotionally. I have made it this long with God carrying me but sometimes I don't even want to keep trying. I too have physical ailments and have to wonder if this is from being married to an Aspie and not realizing it until 6 months ago.

  2. Hi Aspmom,

    Thank you so much for your sharing. They have helped me to understand Aspies a lot better. The encouragement from the Bible puts things into perspective and are things i've thought about before.

    I think my friend has AS even though he doesn't/hasn't admitted to having it. I've recently been praying about entering into a relationship with him. Most NTs would tell me not to and question if i can live with someone "like that" for the rest of my life. I've been reading different blogs and websites which have both encouraged and frightened me. In some ways, i'm thankful to find out about this now than later but that also makes it difficult now.

    God has showed me verses like 1 Corinthians 1:25-31 and others like those you have quoted. I readily admit that i have many weaknesses that i really am in no position to judge anyone else for theirs.

    But to what extent to we 'push' the virtue of patience within us and seek to be purified until we come forth as gold? How do i know who God's best for me is? Is he the one who will best teach me how to love? To what extent am i in a marriage for my own emotional needs? Or to what extent is my marriage only to be used for God's name to be glorified?

    I'm sorry for the many thoughts and questions. I wish to hear from you. To be brutally honest, should i "stay out of this" while i still can?

    Still trusting (:

  3. Ditto. I'm married to an aspie wife. Its just awful. Soul destroying. What the hell did I do to deserve this. A condition that is so well concealed,or unknown is a betrayal to an uninformed spouse.If there is a potential one reading this, my advice is run while you can

    1. Too late cor me I didnt know about the disorder gil after we had a child. I consider myself an easy going guy she just sabotages everything for me and her. No friends no phone calls no social life I just figured out she has it and just lesrning about aspergers. She is extremely smart straight a's is h.s. almost same college. I am reluctant to confront her. She does know

  4. As far as entering into the relationship knowing about this . . . that's a tough one. I think of those loving souls who adopt handicapped children. They are gifted with the ability to love children who have disabilities. They know something most people don't . . . about how hardship and suffering bring more spiritual blessings than anything else on earth. They know the blessing that comes from self-sacrifice and finding your strength from the Lord.

    Know that you will have many trials. You will be a caregiver. There WILL be blessing from God if you serve the Lord faithfully throughout the relationship. But the aspie absolutely WILL NOT meet your emotional needs. WILL NOT AND CAN NOT. Physical provision, he may be great at. Having a like-minded companion to do stuff with is nice. The loyalty you receive could be amazing (my aspie would NEVER leave me). But you are agreeing to take on a person with a 'disability.' As long as you know that going into it, and especially if he is accepting of his diagnosis and willing to discuss the differences, it can be a good thing. Just don't ever expect 'normalcy.' Disappointed Expectations are the things that hurt the most.

  5. How to keep going day after day....? I just have to focus on Jesus' command to "take up your cross daily and follow me." Seriously. Take up that heavy cross and focus on Christ. It's the only, only way I know to live through any trial.

    The most godly, loving woman I have ever known suffered much physical abuse from her alcoholic husband. (Now that is a biblical case for divorce and I do believe she should've left him even sooner than she did!). But most people who know her saw Jesus in her life, more so than in anyone esle they knew.

    Suffering and trials make us more like Him. And that's the POINT of suffering and trials. Read "Be Still my Soul" by Nancy Guthrie and you will be strengthened as to the "why" behind all of this. HUGS TO YOU!

  6. NT husbands married to aspie wives is something I would love to hear more about. What is most lacking in such a relationship? I tend to think it would be a much easier scenario as the NT male "leads" and directs all the details for his aspie wife and not vice versa (where the NT wife gets so tired of being accused of 'wearing the pants in the family'!). I suspect the lack of verbal appreciation and respect would be MUCH harder on an NT male, though!

    I read once that "in marriage you get what you deserve" and physical abuse excepted, I believe that is true. It could be helpful to look harder and more humbly introspectively and see if down deep you aren't sinning just as much as they are. Who can throw the first stone? No one can. Not even the most "obedient, godly, rule-following Pharisee" was without the same sin as the adulteress if thoughts deep in one's heart count as sins (which they do).

    Concealed or unknown brain disorders? Well, for better or worse, in sickness and in health is the vow before God. BUT IF YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN NONE OF THIS APPLIES, so sure, Get Out Now and don't look back. If all that matters is happiness in this life, what are you waiting for? Seriously.