Friday, November 26, 2010

It's the Most Tumultuous Time of the Year

Tumultuous:  highly agitated, as the mind or emotions; distraught; turbulent.

It's the holiday season, and for many wives of aspies, the "whoop-de-do" isn't always all that wonderful.  There could be turbulence with the in-laws about where to celebrate and when to get together.  The NT wife may already be agonizing over gifts.  "I have to tell him once again exactly what to get me for a gift because he doesn't have a clue what I like (or even what size I wear-sheesh!)."

When getting ready to spend the holidays with the aspies in the family, prepare more than a clean house, lovely gifts, and scrumptious food.  Prepare your heart.  Get ready to forgive, forbear, and love.  Pray (maybe even fast and pray!), and change your mindset.

Don't think about how difficult it is to connect with them.  Don't dread the time you will spend with them.  Don't pity yourself for how unappreciated, unnoticed, and unloved you feel. 

Instead, focus on loving them.  And the kind of love they desire is probably pretty simple.  You don't have to ask probing questions or go out of your way to do much of anything, really.  They may just like to be together, even if that means sitting in front of the television all day.  Stop stressing over feeling you have to carry all the conversations and try to enjoy the quiet.  Read a magazine, play with the dog, or give the children your undivided attention (children are sponges for attention!).  Help prepare, serve, or clean up the food, but don't wear yourself out doing it (because they won't notice and don't care about that anyway). 

If you are the hostess, keep it simple.  But most importantly, keep a cheerful spirit.  They may not notice the spotless floors or triple layer cheesecake you spent many hours on, but they will notice a bad attitude and unloving disposition.  They won't understand that your sour attitude could have anything whatsoever to do with them, so nothing productive can come of it anyway.  :)

It's the holiday season.  Love your neighbor.  Love your enemies.  Love your aspies! 

And now these three remain:  faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.   1 Corinthians 13:13  


  1. I can so relate to your awesome blog! I am mom to a 9 year old boy with asperger's and like you STRONGLY suspect my husband is an aspie as well! I look forward to following your journey. :) Maybe we can learn from one another!

  2. Hello,
    I have just read through your whole blog. Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith. I am a Christian woman willing to allow God to fill me with His love to love my aspie husband. My own selfish love just does not cut it. After years and years of marriage counselling, that never really solved our problems, I looked into AS. When I shared books with my husband, he realized that the books described him. It has not been easy and we are trying to do things differently without really knowing how. I can relate to the deepening of your faith as you seek God to fill your needs and reach out to your husband in love. I can also relate to your frustrations and moments of self pity. Thank you for sharing - please continue - I will bookmark you, now. Your friend.

  3. Thanks for the kind comments! They encourage me to keep blogging.

  4. Don't know where you have been! Just writing to say I am supporting you from here in Los Angeles. Life can be lonely with an Aspie. You are not alone, okay? Andrea