Monday, November 8, 2010

Forbearing with An Aspie

Studying and practicing forgiveness is vitally important, but forbearing with an aspie spouse may be just as vital to practice and contemplate.  I am currently wading through another commentary-like reference book by the biblical counselor Martha Peace, called Attitudes of a Transformed Heart.  

The dictionary says forbearance is "patient endurance."  Mrs. Peace says "A person who is forbearing puts up with the differences as well as mistakes of others and they biblically bear with the sins of others.  One should think:

1.  How can I help them?
2.  I would do this quicker but I can forbear with their slowness and wait.
3.  It's their choice to do something that way and it's okay if they do it that way.

She goes on to say that Jesus had to put up with more than we can ever imagine.  We should work hard at having unity in our home.  We should bear with one another and forgive.  Do not judge motives.  Be accepting of (non-sinful) differences.

Forbearance also means showing tolerance"I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-3

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."  Colossians 3: 12-13

This is a daily struggle and so very difficult.  God, help us.


  1. I have just found your blog after googling for a nouthetic counselor experienced in autism. I'm a mother of 3 young children, the oldest is 4 and has high funtioning autism (I'm also pregnant with #4) I'm trying to find a counselor that will help myself and my husband in relating to our autistic son and help us to Biblically train him up, keeping in mind that his mind doesn't process or work like a normal child. I haven't had a chance to really read your blog yet but if you have ANY resources you can offer me, I would be DEEPLY grateful!


  2. I can't believe I found you. This blog is AWESOME. Thank you for putting it out there for someone like me to find. I'm blessed today because of you.

  3. Thank you for commenting! That encourages me very much.

    *For biblically parenting a child with Asperger's, read "Finding Your Child's Way on the Autism Spectrum: Discovering Unique Strengths, Mastering Behavior Challenges" by Dr. Laura Hendrickson. Dr. Hendrickson is a biblical counselor, a former psychiatrist, and the mom to an autistic son. If you are familiar with "Shepherding a Child's Heart" then you will understand what I mean by saying "This is like Shepherding an Autistic Child's Heart." A great little book!

  4. Hi Aspmom,

    I also enjoy what I have read on your blog. I am starting a new google group for significant others of adult aspies. It's called Planted by the River. It would be wonderful if you would contact me via the group. Maybe you'd be interested in joining. I'd like to talk with you more about it, but don't have a way to contact you.

    Jeremiah 17:7-8
    "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.

    He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

  5. Thank you Aspmom! I ordered the book when I found your blog :) I'm currently reading it and I can't get through it without tears...not sure if it's because I can totally relate...or because I'm pregnant...or both! LOL. I'm very familiar with "Shepherding a Child's Heart" so I'm THRILLED to hear that this is pretty much the version for MY special little guy. It's a hard road having children with autism and something I never thought I'd walk....and yet, I know God has a purpose in it all. Thank you for being here and being an ecouragement to all of us mommies of special kids! :)

  6. Please share how to find the Planted by the River group!