Monday, September 13, 2010

Dwell With Them With Understanding

Okay, this is a word to the Aspie husbands who really want to be loving and understanding toward their wives.  Hopefully your wife understands AS and is able to communicate her thoughts and desires to you in a way that makes sense.  But if she doesn't know how to do this, you should make the first effort to find out what she wants and needs.  The Bible says that husbands are responsible before God to love their wives and to dwell with them in an understanding way.

So here's something you guys can do.  ASK your wife to write down five practical things you can physically do that would make her happy.  It may look like this:
1.  Bring me flowers.
2.  Give me a compliment.
3.  Ask me if I'd like to take a break/nap while you babysit the kids.
4.  Give me a massage.
5.  Take me on a date.  Go to a movie, out to dinner, or once the kids are in bed you can bring home takeout from a nice restaurant, watch a movie, and then do the dishes. 
If she won't write a list, then try ALL of these things I've suggested.  At least one of them should be "her thing".

Here's the kicker.  Try doing at least three things from this list every week.  When she revives from the initial shock, you will likely find her warming up to you as she feels happy, cherished, and loved again.  These frequent displays of love will help melt away her anger and bitterness.  She will know by these varying and physical displays of affection it is better to be with you (weaknesses, frustrations and all) than to be alone. 

I recently read of a man whose wife of many years died unexpectedly.  He found her journals to be full of pain, frustration, and anger at the way he had treated her their entire marriage.  This sent him into a deep depression, with enormous guilt causing him to ask "How could I have been so hurtful and thoughtless to my wife?"  Don't be that man, finding those journals, and beating yourself up once it's too late to show love to your wife in a way that communicates love to her in her way.

You say you love her.  Go find out what communicates love to her and SHOW HER . . . NOW!

Peter 3:7  "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered."

Ephesians 5:25-33:  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.

1 comment:

  1. Additional thoughts...

    Despite any lack of emotional connection, if one's husband were absolutely showering his wife with at least three of the five things she lists (and rotates through to be sure to do everything on the list occasionally) every single week . . . I cannot imagine it possible that she would NOT feel loved and desire to stay married to him. She would be envied by every woman she knows! I really believe this would (nearly universally) show that the woman is loved by her husband.

    This reminds me of something like the Love Dare from the movie "Fireproof." But more imporantly, it's a list of things that she wrote, and thus communicates love to her the way she most understands it.