Only When Things are Really Bad

Seems the last few years I’ve only checked in here when things have been really bad.  Yes, this week has been Really bad.

Last night, for the first time, I told one of the children that their father has Asperger’s.  And told that child that “we marry our parents.”  Meaning we tend to marry into what we are used to and have grown up with.  Be aware, kiddo.  Examine potential future mates carefully, through the lens of knowledge.  Don’t have a marriage like ours.  PLEASE, please don’t!

Because in your marriage, I don’t want you hiding away in a locked bedroom or bathroom more hours than you can count.  It’s my alternative to divorce.  And I don’t want this for you.

I want you to be able to communicate with your future spouse.  I want you to feel heard, understood, and loved.  You haven’t grown up seeing a marriage with even the most basic biblical communication, and that is my biggest regret in life.  My regret is not so much that I didn’t have it for myself, but that our marriage didn’t model godly communication for you and your siblings.

I ache for myself tonight.  I ache for my children tonight.  I ache for the negative impact that will affect future generations.

Lord, have mercy.  Please, God, have mercy.