If you are the Christian wife of an Asperger’s husband, you have found the right blog.
All of the helpful books and techniques I have learned throughout my own painful journey can be found here.
May God be with you and bless you.
Sincerely,
aspmom
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
NT/AS Relationships Require Superhuman Strength
Living with and communication with someone who has Asperger's Syndrome requires superhuman strength.
You must give up expectations for
1. empathy
2. understanding
3. your well-being, thoughts, and desires to be be taken into consideration.
You must have the ability to be independent and to
1. take care of yourself (health, and rest)
2. seek happiness apart from them
You must find ways to
1. seek joy and relax
2. find beauty in life
3. make yourself look beautiful
4. cultivate friendships
5. have emotional support apart from them (counseling may be necessary)
It requires carefully balancing respectfully not caring what they think of you. Because you will receive little to no appreciation or approval no matter how hard you try. So STOP trying!
Christians must live for the approval of God alone. Must learn to forgive as God, through Christ, forgives you. Replace pride with humility, realizing you are a sinner, too, and no better (in God's eyes) than they are.
You must let go of:
1. Guilt - when you are unable to think, act, or work as if you are a robot.
2. Hope - that the person will change. They are disabled, which is a normal part of a fallen world.
3. Desire - for things to be different.
The only thing that can change or be different is you and your response to them. And that requires the Holy Spirit's gifts of self-control and faithfulness. Super-human strength. Impossible. Yet possible through Christ, and through Him alone.
You must give up expectations for
1. empathy
2. understanding
3. your well-being, thoughts, and desires to be be taken into consideration.
You must have the ability to be independent and to
1. take care of yourself (health, and rest)
2. seek happiness apart from them
You must find ways to
1. seek joy and relax
2. find beauty in life
3. make yourself look beautiful
4. cultivate friendships
5. have emotional support apart from them (counseling may be necessary)
It requires carefully balancing respectfully not caring what they think of you. Because you will receive little to no appreciation or approval no matter how hard you try. So STOP trying!
Christians must live for the approval of God alone. Must learn to forgive as God, through Christ, forgives you. Replace pride with humility, realizing you are a sinner, too, and no better (in God's eyes) than they are.
You must let go of:
1. Guilt - when you are unable to think, act, or work as if you are a robot.
2. Hope - that the person will change. They are disabled, which is a normal part of a fallen world.
3. Desire - for things to be different.
The only thing that can change or be different is you and your response to them. And that requires the Holy Spirit's gifts of self-control and faithfulness. Super-human strength. Impossible. Yet possible through Christ, and through Him alone.
Self-Protective Measures for the NT partner
Self-Protective Measures for the NT Partner
in an NT/AS Relationship:
* Don't require eye contact. Because you might not like what you see (and don't see). :(
* Don't make eye contact because you might not like what you see (and don't see). :(
* Don't share your emotions. Be stoic in conversations.
* Don't share too much information.
* Don't attempt "mutual sharing."
* Don't think they want to understand. They probably don't. :(
* Retreat often.
* Retreat quickly.
* Retreat. To a true place of retreat.
* Don't ask. Just smile and nod.
* Talk slowly. In a monotone.
* Don't care when you only ever get disapproval. Well, try not to care, anyway.
* Remember that your behavior is what matters most to an aspie . . . not your heart.
Love your enemies. Bless your enemy. If he is hungry, give him something to eat. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Love your enemies.
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