Monday, February 13, 2012

Are You a Christian Whose Spouse Has Aspergers Syndrome?

The book I am recommending (aka SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS THAT YOU NEED TO PURCHASE RIGHT THIS MINUTE, available on the free downloadable amazon kindle app to your phone or computer!) below will certainly not be characteristic of all aspies.  Some acknowledge their diagnosis and sincerely work hard on their relationships.  But many do not.  Which leaves many spouses in despair.

In the back of "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship Book" by Leslie Vernick she lists other helpful resources.  One is called "Foolproofing Your Life:  How to Deal Effectively With the Impossible People in Your Life" by Jan Silvious.  Here's a quote:

"The reason you remain in turmoil is that you are trying to relate to someone who has some wonderful qualities mixed with a perplexing set of destructive characteristics.  In the beginning you may have admired this person, but soon you found yourself mired in the chaos that seems to characterize the relationship.  One minute you hear your own laughter, and you hope against hope that all is well.  The next minute you're on the defensive in response to some inane comment or emotional jab made at you by this one to whom you are trying to relate.  If you protest, invariably the person denies he has said or done anything inappropriate.  In a few twists of the facts, he tries to convince you that you're a bitter person or just 'oversensitive.'  When you've been labeled with all other conceivable insults, there sometimes comes the appellation you hate more than any other:  'crazy.'  It leaves you bleeding.  What can you possibly do or say to counter that one?  By the the time the encounter is over, you are kicking yourself for even mentioning that you have feelings."

And that, my friends, was found on page seven.  The plot thickens and gets so much richer as you continue to read.  Here I've been struggling, thinking the Bible just does not address the particular relational issues that come with Asperger's Syndrome.  Thinking the average Christian counselor won't know how to deal with this unique scenario.  Well, that simply ain't true.  And this book shows you exactly where you need to turn in God's Word to glean the wisdom and answers you need right now.

Simply stunned at the moment,

aspmom

42 comments:

  1. Well, that statement pretty well sums it up for me doesn't it? Great timing too Aspmom, as I just blew up on my own blog with a piece I just wrote titled, "Killing the Optimist". Feeling so low right now darling. Went back to bed after I got them all out the door. It's 12:40 PM and I'm in my pajamas not ready for the special ed bus to pull up to the curb in a few hours. Thanks for always trying to encourage.

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  2. Just ordered the kindle sample. Thanks for the recommendation. Confessed to someone yesterday that I was in a difficult marriage - it was amazing to be supported, encouraged and prayed for. I hope you have someone in your life who is doing that for you.

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  3. I am an Aspie Husband (http://aspiesinc.blogspot.com/). That book isn't specifically about Asperger that I can tell. I can't imagine your experience. I'm in a healthy 20 year marriage to an extremely neurotypical woman. My dad instilled a deep sense of honor in me and a devotion to the veracity of God's Word. That is what has kept me constantly evaluating myself in light of God's Word and fighting to interpreting the bizarre typical world around me.

    How does your husband enjoy your blog?

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    1. Hello Adam, can I communicate with you about my aspie husband and how to love him and not go crazy.
      pegschr@yahoo.com

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    2. Good post. Aspergers still is a mystery to me, but I liken it to a personality that is held in by saran wrap. Sounds strange but that is what came to my mind. I do believe that people with aspergers have God-given personalities and are fully human, but that something is amiss with the way they relate to others. I think it is possible to overcome if you are a person with aspergers who is determined to overcome, and become a strong Christian. God then gives that person the lenses to see what needs to be seen, and relate to the way He intended. If a person with Aspergers is not a Christian, or is a Christian who does not want to grow in God's word, the Asperger traits will not improve or dissipate. In fact the more a person with aspergers goes towards the world, the more narcissistic and scary he or she can become..like many of us who struggle with different demons and don't lie them at the foot of the cross...Aspergers is just a different sort of disorder, but still one of many problems that people can deal with.

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    3. Good post. Aspergers still is a mystery to me, but I liken it to a personality that is held in by saran wrap. Sounds strange but that is what came to my mind. I do believe that people with aspergers have God-given personalities and are fully human, but that something is amiss with the way they relate to others. I think it is possible to overcome if you are a person with aspergers who is determined to overcome, and become a strong Christian. God then gives that person the lenses to see what needs to be seen, and relate to the way He intended. If a person with Aspergers is not a Christian, or is a Christian who does not want to grow in God's word, the Asperger traits will not improve or dissipate. In fact the more a person with aspergers goes towards the world, the more narcissistic and scary he or she can become..like many of us who struggle with different demons and don't lie them at the foot of the cross...Aspergers is just a different sort of disorder, but still one of many problems that people can deal with.

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  4. Adam, you are right. After reading this book I now see the V A S T difference in aspies who "evaluate themselves" and work on their relationships and those who won't. People who fit the description in this book are the ones who are completely unwilling to work on their relationships. For spouses in relationships like mine I believe the book will be very helpful.

    The book says people like me are not in a marriage "relationship" but are in a marriage "arrangement".

    My husband knows that I blog, that I journal, that I want him/us to get counseling. He has zero interest in any of it. I believe he prefers an "arrangement" to a deep relationship.

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  5. I love reading your posts from time to time when they appear on my google reader. I think I've left comments here in the way past about how i love your blog. I am in the same situation you're in girlfriend. Preggo w/ baby #4 and just ordered this book you're recommending. I want to get some counseling to get my head straight on how to deal w/ Aspie Hubbs, but I just need to get up the nerve to call a counselor at the church, who hopefully has a clue what i am talking ahout b/c i am not willing to seek non christian counsel. anyways....thanks for the book suggestion.

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    1. I am a pastors wife with a 20yr.old Aspie living at home. I have already identified two older Aspies at our church whose wives had never heard of this, but have chosen to stay in a godly relationship. Giving your pastor a heads up by referring him to websites and blogs for understanding this situation, prior to any counseling, would be crucial. Most people, not having any understanding of Aspies, get frustrated and angry with them. I have seen it in the church. One of the older gentlemen actually greeted me for the first time by saying," Once you know me you won't like me very much at all." What an awful image to carry around when we are all made in the image of God, beautiful in his sight, gifted by him and created to Glorify him. People at church need to begin to understand rather than judge them (young aspie children too) and we need to focus on all the positive attributes and utilize their giftedness. We need to be praying for the husbands and wives and the families dealing with crisis due to this situation. Let us not make God so small as not being able to help us survive on a day to day basis. In any marriage, serving and ministering unconditionally to your mate is God's will. For some that means a life time of giving without much receiving but know that you were given a gift- heaven sent to bless that life, your reward is in heaven.

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    2. I am all about wanting to be in a giving relationship, but I don't know how God can expect a person to not receive much at all in a marriage. A marriage is a totally different relationship, and in our relationship with God, it is reciprocal, so why not with a marriage. Granted it may be a little unbalanced in our marriages, but I don't think that one partner should receive next to nothing in the marriage. If that is the case, then the marriage becomes a thorn in the flesh. Can a marriage actually serve that purpose of being a thorn in the flesh, likened to the thorn in the flesh that Paul grappled with. I don't know if that jives with scripture since God has the design laid out for what He wants a marriage to look like, and in my opinion, accessible for those who want a Godly marriage. On the other hand some people have been duped by their spouses, and though they may divorce, they aren't supposed to remarry. So, is a healthy marriage only allowed for some, but not for all, even in a Christian marriage? It can't be healthy if one spouse is doing all the giving, and getting nothing back. Maybe the person who is doing the giving may be growing closer to God, but how does it work with growing closer to the spouse. I always thought that both people grow closer to each other, if BOTH are willing to grow closer to God.

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  6. Trying "to get my head straight on how to deal w/Aspie Hubbs" is exactly what has perplexed me for so long! How in the world to deal with this...how to understand it, how to name it, how to communicate, how to feel, how to hope....

    And so I've called it ASD (which it is) and CAPD (which it also is) but there was more. There was an absolute stubborn refusal to seek out, understand, or do any work on this himself.... and that leaves me with what? This book calls that "a fool". I may not always agree that he totally fits the label "fool" but a man who refuses to work on his relationship with his wife is certainly acting very V E R Y FOOLISHLY. So where the book tells you how to deal with one so deeply immersed in foolishness (AKA, a "fool"), it is so helpful.

    How do you deal with them? You don't. You just don't. You work on YOU. Period. You just live wisely, and you take care of yourself. And you GIVE UP ANY THOUGHT OF cajoling, rebuking, or reasoning with a fool. You accept that you have an arrangement, rather than a relationship. And you always show kindness, as if to a stranger.

    And deep sigh of relief, the TRYING and TRYING and TRYING is over. And you live cheerfully and distantly with your "roommate."

    And maybe one day he will stop acting so foolishly and will wise up to what he's lost and will work to get it back. But there is absolutely nothing you can do to bring that about. Only God can do that.

    Foolish husbands can be won "WITHOUT A WORD" from their godly wives.

    And it took me years to see this. Which means he ain't the only foolish one in this relationship.

    ;)

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    1. Amen! Needed to hear, be reminded of this.

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  7. Aspmom - you're so right; an "arrangement" is just what it is. What's hard for me is how to act in public, though. What about when someone teases us about something romantic, etc. Am I supposed to giggle and pretend to flirt with my husband? It's just very awkward that society sees us as traditionally married, yet this relationship does not feel anything like marriage. I feel like I'm living a lie :(

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  8. SUE, I KNOW!!! A girlfriend volunteered to babysit so my husband and I could have a date and I told her I'd much rather go out to eat with HER. She looked at me like I was from another planet. :)

    I think I am getting to the point where I don't pretend as much. I try to be respectful yet honest. A hard balance. I try to phrase things with praise . . . If someone alludes/asks about our marriage I sincerely say "He's the hardest working man I've ever known!" If asked about emotional stuff I have said "he doesn't talk much about emotional stuff, so I talk with my girlfriends about that kinda thing." It's truth without going into too much detail.

    We are very much like compatible co-workers. And, really . . . that's a whole lot better than some marriages I see.

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  9. Right, that's where I'm at too ladies. True, my perspective is slightly different as I'm the husband of an Aspie - and our four little Aspielings but you pretty much nailed it. And Aspmom, I'm reading the book you recommended whilst I try and preserve what little is left of my sanity. :)

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  10. Have any of you read or heard anything about, "Loving the Tasmanian Devil - Reflections on Marriage and Asperger Syndrome" by Maureen McCarthy Bartlett? I ran across a review and was considering reading it too. Especially since my Aspie Tasmanian wife out of the blue threw a box of tissues at me while I was playing with my son (her toy) yesterday. Which I wouldn't whine about except that it hit me in the eye. Bloody hell don't I love being married to an Aspie right now.

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    1. I've often wondered what it is like for a NT husband to live this life. In fact, I just wonder what it's like to have a relationship with a man one can interact with. I am 55 and realize, that now, I may never know - and that is such a great loss to me in my life.

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  11. I recently figured out that my daughter has Aspergers. From that information I began to see the mental illness that flowed through generations of my ex-husband's family. From early onset schzophrenia in Uncle Neil to Aspergers and Psychopathy in other family members. The mind blindness and denial creates a terrible lack of common sense among the family members. I knew that something was wrong from the time I met them, I just couldn't figure it out. My daughter just needs a trust fund and someone to manage it for her. She will cause grief to everyone who ever tries to get close to her.

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  12. There is a great book by Patricia Evans called "Controlling People." I have not read it yet, but learned from some reviews that one tactic is to simply exclaim, "What??" when there is one of those accusatory statements that can draw you into defending yourself or feeling horrible. I have tried it, and, it has been helpful. It turns it back to the other. I have learned to say, "WHAT????" and "NONSENSE!!" Of course, the purpose is not to become abuser but to not interact with someone who is abusing/controlling.

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  13. Totally agree...yes, exactly what the Boundaries authors (Cloud & Townsend) say - no reasoning with a fool. The question that plagues me is, if he made vows to me that (I now know) are impossible for him to honor... do I stay in the marriage and keep fighting, when I seem to be the only one making changes and having grace? If you have any insight, I'd love to hear...

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  14. Am do disillusioned by reading that there is no hope. Have just grieved to the depth of my soul --believing in this man I love so much has been 24 years of wasted time, and 4 kids with tons of personal plain from having a dad that has nothing to give - And just bull headedly refuses to work on relationships. It's completely unpredictable when he will wig out, every weekend is hell. We had a 2 month break from the hell where he had insight and owned his crap... he had been diagnosed with sever sleep apnea (32 episodes per hour average) and was treated with amino acids... his depression and hate at me for never doing the right thing subsided greatly. He for two months owned his problems and was sorry for his behavior. Then for no particular reason went right back to past behaviors. He also had breaks when lots of physical activity.. like the year he rode his bike for 2 hours a day. Maybe because the rain came back as seasonal affect seems significant. But when he's in this black hole he has zero insight. He tells me he adores me and isn't interested in anyone else. He wants to have sex every day - but wants zero interaction with me. Weekends are hell.. sometimes he even has shameful blow up episodes in public which is why we go nowhere and have no one over.. never know when the behaviors will kick in - so make no plans. And when I set out to do something he makes it sound like he wants to do things with me and the kids.. then keeps us hostage by not being ready to get out of bed or isn’t done eating or isn’t done raking the leaves, etc.. and if I take the kids without him the kids are crying because they want daddy to come. I am so hurting and God is nudging me toward my dreams. To be continued….

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    1. I understand exactly what you're saying! :-\

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    2. Do not marry him if you want a happy life. No kidding. This is REAL. And it's NOT easy, it will hurt you AND YOUR CHILDREN beyond your control. Please listen. I wish I had.

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  15. Continued… God has plunked me into not one but two big bands to sing for... and I feel like I'm just ripped to pieces and God is making a dream beyond dreams come true in the middle of this hurricane. Sometimes I just lay in a huddle and that's my prayer. I have nothing to say at all because I can't think of what I've not prayed... just broken and hurting for the loss of believing in someone... in loosing hope that my kids should ever marry …I’ve completely given up on a happy childhood for them. My husband and I were best friend.. so close at the beginning. I have ADHD so I'm not perfect either and both of us from painful homes. But I've been in counseling, am taking the meds, own my messes and am trying really hard to do all I can to make life better for him and the kids. He on the other hand just wants to be able to "be accepted" and believes I just torment him with requests to do something about his problem. He told me today he doesn't want to be with me at all and so sleeps the whole weekend or works constantly as can't stand the things I say to him. He just wants me to enjoy his company, relax, small talk, make love, and leave him alone about the other issues. I cannot do this as the kids and I are forever in the mode of recovering from the last blow out.

    I told him a story today. I told him “There once was a person…” who had a sever case of diarrhea. The diarrhea covered this person. I was all in their pants and dried on their legs, it was up their back.. .it dripped into their shoes and it squished between their toes. And that person could not understand what was wrong with the people in his life. Why couldn’t they just relax and have a good time with him. They were just annoyingly obsessed with constantly cleaning up after him... the pooh got everywhere… on every seat he sat on, all over the floor as it spilled out his shoes, it was so terrible to smell that it burned people’s eyes... and it's no wonder they are constantly cleaning up when they are around him and could not relax and have a good time. I asked him what should be done for this person with diarrhea.. he said "Why don't you just lead him by the hand into the bathroom and help him clean up there" and I told him... you are 6'3" and 230 lbs... I cannot get you into the car to go to the Dr. He told me after asking me to say "What I hear you say is...." that he heard me say that I think there is something really wrong with him that can't be ignored and that I love him and miss him and want him to deal with the problem because I love him. Then he went right back into his mode of “I just want to be left alone and be accepted or I'm leaving.” He asked me if he should leave and when I said yes he said he's not ready to do something about his problems and just wants to be left alone about them and wants off the phone.

    That's my life right now.. begging God to bring sanity to my husband and how to survive inside this marriage without feeling like I'm being raped by someone that only wants to sleep with me but wants no other relationship with me. I feel so sad that he's choosing this. Any thoughts??

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  16. as a christian woman married to an aspie man, i can so relate - in my blog (http://laughinghelps2.blogspot.com) i try so hard to stay positive - but when my hubby does an about face & "forgets" the very vows he has made, it is so very disheartening...

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  17. I just found this and your post sure has blessed me. I have been married almost 14 years to a man who I am pretty sure is a Aspie. He son from a previous marriage is a high funtioning fully diagnosed Aspie.My husband has never wanted to deal with the fact that something could be wrong with him. Recently its gotten worse and he says he is thinking of leaving me. Yesterday tho we had a small break thru where he is FINALLY thinking he may need therapy of some sort. As a Christian woman who beleives God can work thru this and that I will stay commited its EXTRA hard. I dont share this with many amd the small few I did say "lrt him go,make yourself happier" etc etc. ANY support I can get is needed! I am just now trying to wrap my head around this all. God bless you all for sharing!

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  18. Hi. I have been dating a guy for the last 6 months, he's got all his quirks and I am quite sure he's got all the aspie traits. He's not been diagnosed yet, and I don't even know how to broach this to him. My best friends tell me to get out as soon as I can, cos it's only been 6 months.Reading how everyone has been married for years to an aspie, and the amount of sacrifice and work, I am in a conundrum. Should I be heartless and leave him? Or prepare myself for the next 30 years of extremely hard work?

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  19. Definitely bring it up with him! If he accepts it, and is willing to learn more and work with you on communication issues, that would be a huge step in the right direction. If he won't/can't, I'd get out.

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  20. Married 30 years ago. Him - aspie. Me - bipolar II. Three kids - 1 with autism, 1 aspie, 1 neurotypical. I wouldn't wish my kind of marriage on anyone, but I sure do hope some woman will marry my aspie son and not be sorry she did. We are separated due to physical and emotional abuse of our children. It is the end of any marriage we had, but no divorce. I need his money and health insurance, and he has been gracious enough to let us have them. I identified with the comments on how some aspies twist words to successfully, in my case, convince their spouses that the spouse is crazy. I knew I was crazy, but I only thought he was at least as crazy for the first 17 or so years of our marriage. I feared he was right. A pastor told me not to take what my husband said so seriously. I told him that if I didn't take my husband seriously, then we really didn't have a relationship. And there's the problem. The only way I've found to protect myself from his caustic venom is to look down on him and even despise him for his cruel manipulation. How does one show respect for a man like that?

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  21. One more thing I meant to comment on regarding Anonymous' question about her aspie boyfriend. I agree with aspmom, of course. But, assuming he's willing to learn, should she prepare herself for at least 30 years of extremely hard work? Of course!! And that's true for all marriages. All marriages take a lot of hard work. Aspie marriages just have their own peculiar issues. If I could do it all over again, would I choose to marry my abusive emotionally withdrawn man? Probably. We were very much in love and had some great years, even a couple after all of the kids were born. I married a man who wanted me and only me. There's something to be said for that. I don't even want to try and imagine life without our children.

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    1. if she is not yet married to him she is not obligated to him. in fact, donT recommend any person to marry someone with as unless he or she is a strong born again christian who is willing to look beyond self, humble self and put the hard work in two. marriage is supposed to be between 2 adults who r both willing to put shared effort in. it is not supposed to be a mother son or father daughter or brother sister relationship which it sounds like many on this post have. do not try to encourage someone to marry into an unhealthy relationship or guilt trip anyone into it. all lives matter.

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  22. 13Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

    Fast, pray, obey, and believe for healing of Aspergers, and ASD which are bondages and not just weaknesses.

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    1. Thank you for that. After 22 years of marriage to an Aspie I have been gearing myself up for leaving him. Yesterday, for example, I started to get all my finances in place. I have been on 5mg Diazapam for two years because of all the stress involved and the fact that I suffer severe panic attacks. I am a Catholic, but for years could not believe that God would actually want me to become insane in order to reach my/our salvation. However, this morning I started to think about fasting and prayer again. I have done this before for various situations, but I can see that, regarding my marriage, I need to perhaps involve serious fasting, perhaps of the ilk of Gandhi (Don't worry, I wouldn't allow myself to go too far or anything). I just 'KNOW' that my husband is going to be healed of this condition. Last week, after 6 years of pleading with him to see a Doctor, he did. The Doctor is arranging for him to see a specialist but, because of under-funding in Mental Health, this could take up to a year to arrange. However, I just know that there is a change afoot and, in God, absolutely everything is possible. I discovered after the Doctor's visit that I started to warm to him again. Afterall, he had made a significant step in going to get help. So warmth again after years of the suffering I have borne, which has made me love him less and less. So, clearly I am still 'in love' with him deep down. However, I am going to remain distant (we have been separate under the same roof for four years anyway) for the time being, as I believe it is my distance that has brought this about. I left him recently, and that made him jolt in his thinking - well in his Aspie thinking anyway. Obviously, I returned but it seems to me that you have to do something like that to make them really feel something. Anyway, God is on a mission here, so I'm not going to stand in His Way.+++ Why would I?

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  23. Hello... i am 49, and only recently (within the last year) diagnosed with what used to be referred to as Aspergers. I also deal with ADD/HD, and depression. Almost exactly one year ago, i"awoke" from a long depression (at least four years), to find just how much devastated my marriage had become.

    I tried very hard to learn, and to grow... but i was too late. After nine months, my (soon to be ex) wife finally told me that she was in a relationship with someone else...

    Tonight, i could not sleep, and have been praying, and trying to read more on us aspies and dating... (for me, i still have some learning to do first... i am just hoping that... the might be a chance for me... somewhere down the road... it's not looking good)...


    Anyway, i wanted to thank you for this post...

    by His grace, and for His glory...

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    1. I am praying my husband gets to a place of acceptance before it is too late for us. I am sad for your marriage and I am trying so hard to love my husband through this. I try to remember everyday that my promise to stay wasn't just a promise to him, but a commitment to God. But, some days I wonder if this is a "marriage" to begin with. I am glad you have accepted your diagnosis and are trying to learn. There is great hope for you, but do not rush into a new relationship.

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    2. Hi Samurai, I have learned a great deal about myself in the two NT/AS marriages I have been in (I am the NT). Mainly, I have learned that - even putting AS to one side - we can ALL find ourselves bumbling about from one relationship to another without God's direction, (AS people, and NT people) and this is an absolute waste of time/energy/suffering etc., The first thing anyone, and everyone, should get sorted out BEFORE entering into a relationship is 'themselves'. None of us have had perfect parents and we come out of high school with a lot of baggage, one way or another. Much of it is hand-me-down baggage from our parents too!! So, my point is - regarding what you have said in your post - that I would spend a good year specifically praying to God for His healing regarding your AS. I would then continue to pray, under His direction, for a loved one especially designed in character and personality for YOU! Someone who is a good fit. Compatible. I would pray for Him to be very specific and to give you a good and clear sign of the right person. Even then I would continue to pray throughout your life for His Divine intervention on your mind, your spirit, and your soul and on the mind, spirit and soul of your spouse. However, if, by God's design, you are to remain single then He will give you the Grace to deal with that and you will become happy in that state. But, I hope that His design is for you to love and be loved. Pray deeply for all of this my friend, and our Good God will not disappoint you. I promise. He created you! And His desire is for you to have amazing fulfillment in your life! I always like to remember that before we had reached our Mother's womb we were in a race with 400 million other entities - 400 million!!! And it was 'we' who won that race. We are already amazing winners before we are born. Can you imagine the truth of that, Samurai? So, hang on to that amazing fact. Stay in touch with your Maker. He will see you better than alright. He will ensure that ALL who seek Him, and are attentive to Him, are transformed. Made new.x

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  24. I am a Christian wife in the middle of getting a diagnosis from my husband, after 17 years of marriage. To put it kindly, it is not going well. He is completely rejecting it - hard to see where the Asperger's ends and the sin of pride and arrogance take over. It is hard to explain to our Pastor, too. Feeling very alone and praying for a acceptance from my hubby so we can get help to save our marriage. I'll take all the resources I can - especially ones with a Biblical perspective.

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    1. Don't get mired in ideals and labels. Face the reality of what you see and are dealing with because most other people who don't live with it have no idea. Hear your inner voice that God gave you- trust it and listen to it.

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  25. My husband flatly refuses to go for diagnosis whilst admitting he is sure that he has Aspergers he feels that I need to be doing all the accepting and changing because he is happy being different. We go from crises to crises, He is spending 98% of his weekends with his present as his dad has been very unwell. His mother is either an Aspie or has an emotionally unstable personality disorder and on top of that is nasty. [I am sorry not a godly thing to say but have some deep wounds becaue of her behaviour. When he comes home on Sunday night he is like an alien coming into the house. He then spends an hour on the phone to his sister, and then another hour before he goes to bed. He speaks about nothing else. and I am treated to a blow by blow account of his dads [who is actually a sweetie] bodily functions.
    I made to feel guilty if comment that this is not sustaniable, and his mum needs to put some other care in place. I am made to feel that I am a heartless bitch. I not saying never go I'm saying this needs to be sorted out properly they live 100 miles away. Yesterday he had a melt down because when he left the room because he had yet another 1 hours call to his sister, which in fact he was saying the same things on the 5 previous phonecalls, I spent some time on social media playing a game.

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  26. I would like to know if it is sin to leave your husband,who has asperger ,and wants nothing to do with making this marriage work. I'm being honest,I'm tired of all of this at age 63. I am a Christian and I love the Lord.But I'm so unhappy with him.

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  27. Have you read the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend? Please read it and try implementing boundaries in your marriage before leaving.

    I encourage you to focus on yourself and find things that make you happy. Get involved in some social activities that you enjoy. If you were separated from your spouse, what would you be doing that would make you happy? Do those (if biblical) things. Go out. Have fun. Take care of your mind, body, and soul.

    If you divorce for a reason other than abuse, adultery, or abandonment, I believe the Bible teaches that you cannot remarry and must live a celibate life.

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