Wives of aspies are helpers who take on more responsibility than most of the women they know. This can be burdensome and difficult. But chances are the aspie chose a strong, independent woman. He was probably attracted to her courage and skillful independence, as well as to her strong gift of compassion.
Christian women, take heart! Proverbs 31, which describes the "virtuous wife" is here describing you.
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
He trusts you to take care of the house, the children, the bills, etc. He trusts you! You bring peace to him and make him feel safe. He is lacking nothing. You are doing great and godly work and it is called "work" for a reason. It is not easy.
Some Christians, particularly those in conservative circles who hold fast to the ideas of headship and submission, may judge you harshly. It sometimes appears to outsiders that the aspie's wife is the "head" of the household due to her many responsibilities. And the aspie's wife may particularly struggle to respect her husband when she falls into the thinking that she is in the role of caretaker, mother, teacher, and doctor to her spouse. She must carefully guard against self-pitying thoughts, always remembering to "see to it that she respect her own husband." This aspergers husband is the one the Lord has given her.
Look again at Proverbs 31 and reflect on this:
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
This Proverbs 31 woman was praised by her children and her husband.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Sadly, this highlights a particular sting for the wife of an aspie. She is working, so very hard, to care for her aspergers spouse, and the house, and the children, and her own emotional needs, etc. But he honestly doesn't comprehend how much she is doing and how well she is doing this. He needs to be taught the importance of giving her verbal praise, and he needs to be taught how to give it. That will be the subject of another post.
Ladies, I pray we will each be encouraged and continue doing this good and God-fearing work, as unto the Lord, for His glory.
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.