From the book Boundaries:
"Your disappointed desire is what hurts you. The problem lies in who is responsible for the WANT. It's your want, not his. You are responsible for getting it fulfilled, not him. That is a rule of life. We do not get everything we want and we must all grieve over our disappointments instead of punish others for them. . . . Problems arise when we make someone else responsible for our needs and wants, and when we blame them for our disappointments."
Okay, yep. And aspie spouses do a whole lot of grieving.
We also do a whole lot of blaming.
"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy.
I'll think about that tomorrow."
I'm so with you on that one, Scarlett O'Hara!