Aspie spouses . . . get your hands on the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend as quickly as you can. It will help you learn how to get over the guilt in a good way. (Maybe you didn't even know you were acting out of guilt . . . or that you were being manipulated and controlled by Mr. Nice Guy, or MIL, or siblings, or your boss, or others....)
You will learn how to set some limits on how you will and will not be treated and for what you will and will not put up with. You will meet with resistance at first. But then you will find that your limits are respected. And you will feel more free and more happy than you have in a long time.
Many thanks to those who shared this wonderful resource with me! "Over 2 million copies sold" and it's easy to see why. This book is recommended by countless biblical counselors and is not at all encouraging selfishness. Now stop reading this blog post and go order the book! :)