It's been a couple of years now, and my aspie spouse still won't read anything about asperger's syndrome. I recently asked him if his mom, his sister, his wife, and a psychologist all told him they believe he has asperger's syndrome . . . would he believe it? You know what he said?
"Probably not."
Well, alrighty then! So . . . that leaves me where? Right where I've always been. Reading, researching, doing all I can to communicate as best I can. It's all on me. As it's always been.
Gulp.
Big Sigh.
I'm learning to take this one day at a time. One issue at a time. The big picture is overwhelming, I know. But at this exact moment, I'm doing okay. Live moment by moment, ladies! That's the best advice I can give you (or anyone, really).
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That's a shame because the number one criteria for a successful aspie marriage, according to Dr Attwood, is that "both partners acknowledge the diagnosis".
ReplyDeleteYou're doing extremely well considering that this isn't the case but it must put a massive strain on things.
Even if he's not up to agreeing with the label, perhaps you can get him to acknowledge certain symptoms?
I have Aspergers but as a 45 year old I have difficulty with the title. For whatever reason PPD-NOS works better, don't ask me why. Maybe the wiki definition helps. My wife recently left me. A couple days later a was looking through a depression course I started a couple of weeks ago and one of the sections is for family and friends and how to help someone with depression. I am ordering the section next week and offering it to my daughter. I will offer it to my wife as well though that boat may have sailed. I have no idea what the content is going to be. I see so many links between depression and Aspergers in what I read and live. I am wondering if any one else looked into this and can give an opinion if this is a possible way to help others with their feelings and what they can do to help.
ReplyDeleteHey darlin, I'm at the point where trying to see anything but the day to day is like trying to drink the ocean. Just breathe and as you wrote - take this one day at a time. And for what it's worth - all my kids were diagnosed but my wife when she was diagnosed just blew it off. It's not even worth bringing it up anymore. What will they do with that information? Change? Ha! WE have to change, go crazy or just run away. Hmmmm, well I'm staying and am only slightly crazy at this point!
ReplyDeleteMy husband will admit that he has Asperger traits but doesn't seem to think that is any big deal. It's not a problem for him so why should it be a problem for me. Despite me telling him that being married to him is killing me, he just stares at me like it means nothing.
ReplyDeleteWow, Gavin, that's a huge compliment that means a lot because it comes from you. Makes me think I'm doing something right. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteaspmom
OMGSH. you have to see this. once in, check out james robinson. He had a procedure for asperger's.
ReplyDeleteThe question is........would you really like your aspie to come out a differnt person????
I would have to think/pray long and hard~!
If this link doesn't work, google the words: ingenius minds science channel
http://science.discovery.com/tv/ingenious-minds/
-aspielover4christ
correction, check out JOHN (not James as I previously stated) Robinson on ingenius minds/ science channel
ReplyDeletehttp://science.discovery.com/videos/ingenious-minds-john-robison/
Magnetic forces can induce electrial current, stimulating the brain that is lacking socially!!
I don't know if I would want my aspie to do it. Though hard, I fell in love with the brain he has now! :)
Food for thought for sure.
Please check it out, aspmom, and consider posting it for all your bloggers to see:)
-aspielover4christ
Hey, at an autism conference I heard him talk about having that done. It only lasted a little while and then he lost the benefit (ability to empathize more)....
ReplyDeleteCould have been a "placebo" effect, I guess.........but still really cool info!!!!! It really honed in on how since their brains aren't distracted by social situations and thoughts, they can focus on other material often resulting in genius activity. This is because instead of using up brain activity for socializing, the have the brain space to FOCUS obsessively & master a topic:) One became one of the top Pin Ball Machine winners in the world. Mr. Robinson was able to invent cool music instrument parts.
ReplyDeleteaspielover4christ
I just realized something: good psychiatrists not only can tell when someone has Asperger's, then can also tell when someone *doesn't* have Asperger's.
ReplyDeleteSo, suppose you do get your husband to a good psychiatrist for an appointment or two or three. After asking your husband a lot of questions and maybe scanning his brain with an MRI (more info at http://brain.oxfordjournals.org/content/125/7/1594.full !), either this doctor will diagnose your husband with Asperger's and confirm your suspicions...
...or this doctor will conclude that your husband actually doesn't have Asperger's and treats you the way he does for other reasons instead of Asperger's, confirming your husband's suspicions.
Maybe you can use this fact to encourage your husband to see a good psychiatrist, by reminding him that seing a good psychiatrist might confirm his suspicions instead of yours?
Maybe you could find a way to say something like "if you don't have Asperger's, then go to a psychiatrist and prove it!" in a way your husband will listen to?
My counselor directed me to your blog and it is such a gift to me. I follow this blog faithfully because it gives me the encouragement I need to keep going.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the pain of living with someone so totally disconnected is enough to drive me to insanity - especially over the holidays. To know there are others who know exactly what I'm experiencing and the pain it causes is life giving. While Jesus Christ is my help, I am so thankful He gives us each other to encourage one another and help carry one another's burdens along the way.
Please write soon - I check daily to hear a word from you. Your authenticity is refreshing. Thank you for pointing us to Christ!