You know how you can exchange a quick look and smile over small talk with the UPS man, or the guy in the elevator, or a male friend you are chatting with and you are struck with what it feels like to emotionally connect? And I don't mean anything inappropriate here. But you realize in those glances how that most basic NT connection is absent from your NT/AS relationship.
Please carefully reflect and take those glances as a warning to put a hedge around yourself to protect you from temptation. I have heard that Bill y Gra ham made a point of never being alone with a woman other than his wife. Never alone behind a closed door or in a car. He never allowed for a scenario that could lead to adultery. He created strict rules to protect himself even from the slightest appearance of evil. Such a godly and wise man!
Aspie spouses are especially vulnerable to quickly develop an emotional attachment that is very inappropriate for a married person. You are so weak in this area that you could let those glances lead to deep sharing and voila . . . you are involved in an adulterous affair before you know what happened. It starts out as an emotional "affair." And that is also adulterous in nature.
All of this to say beware. Hedge yourself safely. Make what seem like crazy rules that will protect you in your vulnerability. Don't be alone (even in a crowd, really) with an NT guy. If thrown into that scenario, be sure not to share much, and get away as quickly as you can. You are way too lonely and weak to walk through that kind of fire and not get burned. Talk with a friend of the same gender! Pay a counselor if you have to. But don't glance too long or share much at all with any NT male. Only share your emotions, personal thoughts, etc. with a friend of the SAME GENDER. It's a RULE, okay? Make it a Law for yourself if you are married to an aspie.
You are the "weak woman who could be led astray by diverse temptations" as it says in Scripture. (Or, if you are the NT male, read through Proverbs for numerous warnings against adultery and adulterous women--you are an easy target for them, ya know!) Be careful.
Be very, very, very careful.
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Great post! I can't say enough good things about it. My husband and I both have a rule - no matter what goes on in our marriage, we only are to confide to same-sex friends (his counselor is female, but she's not a threat because she's a professional). I have undying loyalty to him and am proud to say that with all the ups and downs we've had over the years I've followed this (even to the point of being like Billy Graham and refusing to be alone with males out of respect for my husband).
ReplyDeleteThanks for reminding others about this very important rule!