One of the most frustrating things in trying to communicate with aspies is the inability to share your feelings and perspective without the aspie getting defensive.
If I attempt to share my internal struggles, instead of listening and acting like my pain matters to him, he focuses on what my pain says about him. But there are times when emotional sharing is not about him. It's about me.
So, aspie friends, if I share how difficult something is . . . accept that it has nothing to do with you for a moment. It has to do with me. It has to do with a personal, internal, emotional pain. That I am trying to work out and deal with, both for my own happiness and yours, too. That's what we NTs do, ya know. We talk it out, we write it out, we work it out, out loud (sometimes). Just listen. And nod. And hug. And don't respond as if you've been attacked.
Because for a little while, it's just about us, okay?
It's not about you.
If you think it is about you and you think we're telling you how horrible you are . . . KILL YOUR PRIDE for a moment and just say "I'm SORRY." You don't have to mean that you're sorry for being at fault when you don't think you are at fault. Just say the words "I'm sorry" and think to yourself that you are sorry that the person is unhappy. That's all you have to mean when you say it. Can you do that? Forget about it being about you to any degree. Think about the other person's obvious unhappiness at that moment and be sorry for them.
That's ALL you have to do. That's all you should ever say in that scenario. You have the power to make the NT feel better, be happier, and love you more, just by saying the words "I'm sorry" when they are unhappy or upset. Try it! They are the ultimate magic words.
And I think that is the absolute hardest thing in the world for an aspie. To do. Or to say.