So a bit of clarification on "not giving a damn."
It's not okay to not give a damn about another human being as a human being. It's not okay to wish he would go skydiving without a parachute. That's not okay. Jesus says hate is the same as murder and murderers will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Hate is not consistent with Christianity and one who hates is deserving of hell. When you have hateful thoughts, quickly grab them, throw them to the ground, kill them, confess to God and thank God that through the blood of Christ you have forgiveness and can enter heaven, even though you are a wretched sinner and daily prove that to be the case.
I'll stop the sermonette now. :)
But it is okay and in fact, probably necessary for an aspie's spouse to not give a damn what her aspie spouse thinks of her. Because if she is needing his appreciation, admiration, adoration, consideration, she ain't gonna get it.
She must learn to absolutely totally not care at all what he is thinking, or as is more often the case, what he is NOT thinking, about her.
Love God, and live for His glory. Seek His pleasure and work unto His glory and honor. Your aspie spouse will benefit from your living for God. And so will you.
Need people less, love people more. Fight against the "fear of man." Stop "people-pleasing." Stop thinking or caring what anyone (even your spouse) is thinking or not thinking about you. Just stop.
When you are tempted to dwell on others' good opinion or thoughts of you, say to yourself "I just don't give a damn."
And then look upward in serving and loving God. And look outward so that you can see the needs around you and strive to love others more.
Those are the only things in life Christians should really give a damn about anyway.
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I just found your blog and wanted to say thank you! Thank you for sharing and basically writing everything I'm thinking and going through as a fellow Christian and aspie wife. It's hard to know and be told on a daily basis that I'm not living up to my husband's standards (like I can read his mind, ya know), but during those hard times when he tells me I'm not good enough I will remember that I serve and love God first. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog doing a search on AS, as my child is an Aspie. It is interesting to read the relations of an adult with Aspergers and a fellow Christian. God bless you in you endeavors.
ReplyDeletePlease follow me back: http://biguniversesmallworld.blogspot.com
I just found your blog. I am also the wife of an aspie. I spoke to my husband about how I can accept the fact that in his eyes I will never be as "good" as he is. Though I have some Aspie-like tendencies myself, I am a people-pleaser. But you hit the nail on the head- at the end of the day, it's up to us to realize and cherish our own worth because we can't look to our spouse to do that for us all the time. I'm still reconciling with existing in a marriage where my husband will never really accept me. But he's able to love me, in his own ways. He even told me that he enjoys the fact that I am different, because when we "debate" (argue) it gives him a chance to learn.
ReplyDeleteMy husband has improved a lot over the last few years (we are in our late 20s)- while he is very Aspie in some ways, he is able (when he's not in a mood) to express his thoughts and feelings (well, more like express his lack of feelings). He accepts that I am different from him, and he has to respond to my needs appropriately to keep me happy. So there is hope- if we can keep from going completely insane, because it is a never-ending struggle.
Thanks for listening- I just wanted to tell you that you are not crazy and you are not alone!
Thank you for the good reminder. I had been getting frustrated with some little things my husband had been doing to the point where i thought he was not realy thinking about me. I just need to realize the only person i need aproval from is Him. And that He is always there for me no matter what. Again thank you.
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