So a bit of clarification on "not giving a damn."
It's not okay to not give a damn about another human being as a human being. It's not okay to wish he would go skydiving without a parachute. That's not okay. Jesus says hate is the same as murder and murderers will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Hate is not consistent with Christianity and one who hates is deserving of hell. When you have hateful thoughts, quickly grab them, throw them to the ground, kill them, confess to God and thank God that through the blood of Christ you have forgiveness and can enter heaven, even though you are a wretched sinner and daily prove that to be the case.
I'll stop the sermonette now. :)
But it is okay and in fact, probably necessary for an aspie's spouse to not give a damn what her aspie spouse thinks of her. Because if she is needing his appreciation, admiration, adoration, consideration, she ain't gonna get it.
She must learn to absolutely totally not care at all what he is thinking, or as is more often the case, what he is NOT thinking, about her.
Love God, and live for His glory. Seek His pleasure and work unto His glory and honor. Your aspie spouse will benefit from your living for God. And so will you.
Need people less, love people more. Fight against the "fear of man." Stop "people-pleasing." Stop thinking or caring what anyone (even your spouse) is thinking or not thinking about you. Just stop.
When you are tempted to dwell on others' good opinion or thoughts of you, say to yourself "I just don't give a damn."
And then look upward in serving and loving God. And look outward so that you can see the needs around you and strive to love others more.
Those are the only things in life Christians should really give a damn about anyway.