Another illness hit me recently, which meant another time of being painfully ignored by my aspie spouse.
My young son asked "Are you okay Mom? I hope you feel better! I love you!" and he gave me a hug.
My spouse acted perturbed that my illness messed up his plans for the day. He didn't once ask how I was feeling or if he could bring me anything.
As I was crying and praying and reading the Bible, I thought of the solemn vows I took before God to love this man for better or worse, in sickness and in health. I have always thought "of course I'll love him when he's sick . . . I'll take care of him!"
I had never before thought how hard it may be to love him when I am sick! But I vowed to do just that.
Man, is it ever hard.
Our church teaches that the Bible allows for divorce in the cases of adultery and abandonment (and of course, physical abuse). But I do not believe being ignored when I am ill is Biblical grounds for divorce.
So if I can't run away . . . I need to face the situation I am in, and face it as a Christian should. I believe God is sovereign, so He is in control and has ordained every situation I face for my good, that I may be sanctified/made more like Christ. (Romans 8:28) He put me in this asperger marriage, and has a plan for my good. I am called to be loving, to persevere in the faith, and yes, even to be thankful during the worst of times as well as the times that are better.
I frequently send up a quick but sincere plea . . . Lord, help me!
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Just this morning I listened to Joyce Meyer preach on Isaiah 61. She said we can't look to others for our comfort. God is the source of our comfort and we should look to Him. Others cannot comfort us unless He chooses to use them.
ReplyDeleteI sighed when I heard that because there are often times that I pray to HIM that my hub come in the room and see me crying on my knees and comfort me.
I also find myself resenting the fact that others comfort me when my hub hasn't rather than delighting in the fact that God has used so many other people to send me comfort.
"special days" are important to me... mother's day, my birthday, other silly holidays when i'm supposed to get recognition...my hub is a giver when he gets it meaning he doesn't wait for the "special day" he gives it as soon as he buys it which often means that the day of goes unnoticed
then i'll get 20 texts before i arrive at work that say happy birthday that i end up resenting because they're not from my husband...
sigh...
i'm missing the bigger picture
and just in case you're feeling like you are
I hope you feel better soon
much love and persistence sent your way