ACCEPTANCE is what it all comes down to, isn't it? That's what they say. That's what they've always said. "Just accept me." But we desire something different. Desperately longing for emotional connection, we read every book ever written on the differences between men and women. Trying every trick, applying every formula, nothing ever truly gives us the desired result.
We expect more. We expect 'typical', 'normal', 'neurotypical'. No matter how many books on autism we read, we can NOT drop our expectations.
And so we suffer. Deep, depressing suffering engulfs us.
He has limitations. Serious, brain-wired, emotional limitations. He cannot be what we want. He cannot. Which means it is unkind and unloving of us to expect more of him than he can ever give. We must accept his limitations.
The Mantra of the Aspie Spouse should be
"Drop the Expectations and Accept his Limitations."
If only it were that easy.
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I always like when you pop back with a post. Although I suspect it is when things are hard - so big ((hugs)). I think I've been doing well at the dropping of expectations and accepting of limitations recently but it feels like there is a big black hole that isn't being filled - because who do you get to fill in all those roles that you expected your spouse to?
ReplyDeleteYou SO understand! :) Definitely when things are hard. The hard times always come back around, don't they? Always.
ReplyDeleteThere's only One who can fill those roles. No spouse or best friend truly can...maybe we're the lucky ones to realize it and lean even more on Him. Maybe others aren't so dependent on Him because they aren't as aware of their deep need.
If only it were easier to "FIX" my eyes on Jesus! Then the things of this world would grow more dim. I get too fixed on what I want right here, right now. Me, me, me, me, me. :)
Thank you for the hugs!!!! :)