Self-Protective Measures for the NT Partner
in an NT/AS Relationship:
* Don't require eye contact. Because you might not like what you see (and don't see). :(
* Don't make eye contact because you might not like what you see (and don't see). :(
* Don't share your emotions. Be stoic in conversations.
* Don't share too much information.
* Don't attempt "mutual sharing."
* Don't think they want to understand. They probably don't. :(
* Retreat often.
* Retreat quickly.
* Retreat. To a true place of retreat.
* Don't ask. Just smile and nod.
* Talk slowly. In a monotone.
* Don't care when you only ever get disapproval. Well, try not to care, anyway.
* Remember that your behavior is what matters most to an aspie . . . not your heart.
Love your enemies. Bless your enemy. If he is hungry, give him something to eat. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Love your enemies.
I have been married to an aspie man for over 5 years. Over the past 3 years things have gotten progressively worse. I struggle daily with the decision to stay or go. Your list above is exactly what I would need to do if I choose to stay. It is the saddest list. I don't believe that is a way to live. I don't understand why I need to sacrifice myself and not live to my fullest potential. I think you are brave for writing about this topic and saying your true feelings. Thank you
ReplyDeleteAgreed. This was written during one of those very sad times. But then something will happen where I am in need of help . . . and he is there to physically pick up the pieces and keep going where I am too weak to carry on. And I become thankful for him all over again. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI love this list! Its practical and realistic. If there is any defensiveness or tone of sadness that's because of the agony of becoming aware of the truth human limitations. In us as wives and in our partners. And there is real grief in realizing the loss of that dream of what true love should be. On the other hand, emerging from the ashes is a ''blinders off now'' adult grasp of the importance of self differentiation, personal integrity and the encouragement to move forward with what we can be responsible for: our own intentional acceptance. Sad is good and a wholesome reaction. But God reaches into the sorrow and urge us onward and upward!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this list. I think it's so very sad & emotionally depriving, but pretty accurate. It's a hard road that feels impossible to continue on often, but I so appreciate knowing I'm not the only one on it.
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