From the book Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward: "People can only give what they can give, and can only be who they are. We are all limited in certain ways, and we are all the product of our own history. Let go of resentment. Find realistic acceptance of what can and cannot be regarding the relationship."
What can your aspie not help being, and what can he choose to help? The aspie may not be able to help that he only sees things from his own perspective, due to his brain wiring. This means, in my situation, that he will believe I am always wrong anytime we disagree/differ. I can expect him to believe I am always wrong. I can accept that it is pointless to try and share my perspective or ever reach mutual understanding. But he can choose to be calm rather than out of control. He can be held responsible for speaking in anger.
I've struggled "through the pain and error that so often create wisdom" (Toxic In-Laws). Struggled so hard to find "realistic acceptance of what can, and cannot be, in a relationship" with all of the difficult people in my life.
From Foolproofing Your Life: "Your goal cannot be to have the fool change; instead, your goal must be to find a personal freedom that allows you to be the person God intends for you to be, no matter what choices your fool makes. Turn from being consumed by the behavior of your fool."