tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026421087737007766.post2923869712719603081..comments2023-04-27T00:25:58.489-07:00Comments on Aspie Wife, Aspie Mom: Attitude and Actionsaspmomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01642480111576417752noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026421087737007766.post-66794404112555045132011-03-05T21:36:56.632-08:002011-03-05T21:36:56.632-08:00I so struggle too with reaching out and giving him...I so struggle too with reaching out and giving him that smile, great big hug and affection he so desires. I am wounded and I want to retreat like a flower that closes when it gets cold. I am tired and worn. I desperately need the Lord's help to do the opposite of what I feel. I wish it was easier and I had this feeling of genuine love and admiration, but on my own strength I do not have it. It makes me sad. It is my hope that God will help me to love deeper; and it is that hope, of the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life, that keeps me from total despair.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026421087737007766.post-67861798843225282902011-03-02T06:37:26.946-08:002011-03-02T06:37:26.946-08:00Thanks for writing this; it was an eye opener. In...Thanks for writing this; it was an eye opener. In my own marriage, I'm the Aspie and my husband is the NT (I'm newly diagnosed). There have been many times he's voiced unhappiness over one thing or another and I'd sit there unable to fully understand what he's upset about or how my actions could ever change anything.<br /><br />He'd get upset if I didn't hang out with him at night and it didn't make sense because I love alone time and I figured he'd appreciate some of his own too. But I know now that he's a much more social creature than I am.<br /><br />What's wild is that I DO expect my husband to be happy and cheerful but now that you mention it I really haven't been doing what I would need to in order to elicit that sort of response out of him. I never thought of it like that. It makes sense though...it's a cause and effect issue, it seems.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks for the info.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026421087737007766.post-83742063551101239302011-03-01T10:17:36.983-08:002011-03-01T10:17:36.983-08:00Hi Princess Morag!
I'm really struggling, too...Hi Princess Morag!<br /><br />I'm really struggling, too. It's even worse when he's demanding I explain why I'm acting the way I am--because any attempt at explaining only makes things much much worse (for me). Instead of saying "he doesn't care" (which I think all the time to myself), I'm trying to focus on how I should respond. Like by telling myself "love your enemies, bless and do not curse, be kind, be hospitable with no grumbling, etc."<br /><br />If we can conquer this trial by loving an 'enemy' who is so close to us and who often drives us insane . . . we can conquer anything, don't ya think?! :)aspmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01642480111576417752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026421087737007766.post-75721538114464644562011-03-01T01:33:22.738-08:002011-03-01T01:33:22.738-08:00You have posted about what I'm really struggli...You have posted about what I'm really struggling with. I know my husband wants (and needs) me to be cheerful and affectionate. But I am so tired and empty and it is such an effort to put on a happy face when I'm struggling inside and know there is no point trying to explain to him how I feel. Whenever I feel ignored by him I automatically say to myself "he doesn't care" but I'm trying to change this to - "he does care, but he has AS and is unable to understand and respond"Princess Moraghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12487488036461371867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026421087737007766.post-55142225420588295432011-02-26T12:36:33.212-08:002011-02-26T12:36:33.212-08:00Sadly, you've got some good points there.
I w...Sadly, you've got some good points there.<br /><br />I will clarify your first point though; "NT wife absolutely must give up the hope and expectation that her aspie spouse is or ever will be deeply interested in her innermost thoughts or feelings."<br /><br />It's not so much about lack of interest as lack of understanding.<br /><br />For this example; I'm assuming that you're not a physicist... Someone could spend ages talking to you about quantum mechanics but without the proper background, you'll never understand them.<br /><br />Sometimes you'll follow basic concepts. This is like telling an aspie that "I'm feeling sad today and I need a hug" but usually the more complex concepts are simply well out of your reach. <br /><br />For example; My wife was once devastated that she wasn't invited to a party that all her friends went to. Her sadness/anger about this went on for months - in fact, I'd say it still affects her today. I understand that this makes her sad but I can't get to the depths of her feeling because in her shoes, I'd be happy to miss a social occasion.<br /><br />I can tread softly and be extra nice to her when she's feeling down but sometimes I just can't see the issue.<br /><br />It's not simply a matter of "not wanting to", it's all about understanding (one of the first steps to true empathy). I can understand her emotional state but I can't really understand how she got there.<br /><br />The best I can do is address the issues I can see and hope that the rest goes away.Gavin Bollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13833941398375568706noreply@blogger.com